dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
