Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
