I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
