We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
