If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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