I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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