The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
