have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize