so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I touched a dick in church today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
