omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
