I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
