just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
