I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
