Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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