doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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