I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
