Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
