well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize