I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
