Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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