Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
