So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
