when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
