My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am one with the molecules
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
