she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
