wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
