There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
