He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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