I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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