So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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