real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
