I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish you could order shots online.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
