We got so high we made milksteak
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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