its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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