why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize