1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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