I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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