Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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