I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
