I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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