the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
