the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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