plz talk dirty to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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