What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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