dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize