Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm getting married
To pizza
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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