Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
