Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
