Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
