are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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