Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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