My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
