New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
