the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
