i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize