i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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