You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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