Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
