Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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