i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
