I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
