I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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