so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
