i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
