after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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