yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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