it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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