I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
