Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
